calculating a whole lotta.....

i'm still up. staring at these numbers. wishing they were GREEEEEN (like the refund i wished i was getting) instead of bright red. blah! argh!...

whatever. taxes SUCK. super SUPER suuuper bigtime.

today i walked. a good brisk [4.2 treadmill speed] walk. well... if it were up to me i'd be snailin' it, but i had to keep up with ms. d and her two babies. she walks just about as fast as she talks. fast. i love it. but today i was feeling reallllllly slow. and beads of sweat dripped down my face as i paced my breath with each step, while also pushing the ds playing 4 yr old, who was dragging his toes on the concrete then stroller wheel breaking my stride (why must they always wanna drag their feet?? no fail??). came home and was totally pooped. i don't get it. i ran a good 5 miles the other morning and felt ready to conquer the world, but today.... completely flopped on my bed, turned on dora and knocked out. it was pathetic.

it's when i feel pathetic to my own expectations that my kids kindly remind me of my purpose. i woke to my little man's arms around my neck whispering..."mom. i have a secret." too sweetened to get upset with the r.e.m interruption i responded, "what is it, baby??". "mommy. i love you so much." followed with kisses all over the face. cheeks. nose. forehead. lips. 2 x's over. Ahhhh!!.... like butter i melted. MEL- ted. my self loathing quickly dissipated and i grabbed his small frame and squeezed him til he giggled and squealed to escape my tightened hold. i love these babies of mine. so much so... it sounds grossly mushing and gooey and almost too much to handle. but it's the honest truth.

i grabbed the older kids from the bus and waited for j to get home from work. i decided then that we were gonna have a great day. all of us (momma's can do that ya know. lol!). we went out as a family for dinner, then played in the backyard with the kiddos.



j got in on the fun too...



i love seeing his "playdough" (a name so kindly gifted his dreads by a friend of Moe's) locks in action.

i thought to myself:

who the heck cares about anything else??

RUNNING vs. WALKING... does it really matter?? as long as you're moving. right??

TAXES. pft! i imagined simba, "hah hah hah! i laugh in the face of danger!" (replacing it with TAXES). lol. ok- it's late. i'm amused.

nothing else seems to matter.



happy weekend!!!!

back to black.

i have taken a loooong hiatus from this site... i even forgot my password and name. lol! life has definitely been crazy on this end. but, gladly, i see a light at the end of the tunnel.

yesterday i rattled off to a good friend my 'to-do' list for today. wake. scriptures. breakfast. school drop off. preschool drop off. run. home cleaning. dinner prep and cook. preschool pick up. home cleaning. office organizing. hubby home/ serve dinner. bus pick up. serve dinner (again). piano. scout drop off. scout pick up.... by the time this is done it is 8:45... that's if I wasn't stopped in the hallway to chit chat about this and that and who and where.

THIS had been my life since my last post. I am beat. red. but just like a good run on a hot sunny day... the reward is realizing you made it. the run is over. your time is better. and you feel stronger. (although some days do drag on... just like a good run.) but you feel better. like you can handle it all.

anywho, the light at the end of the tunnel is leaving me with mixed emotions.



my BABY (the little monkey, front and CENTER) will be going to school this august. i'm feeling a bit anxious. not for him... because he's been ready to be out, doing his own thing. the anxiety is for moi. WHAT in the heck am I gonna do at home while ALL the kids are away?? THIS has been my life for the last 11+ years. along side my photography... all i've surrounded my life with has been pregnancy, nursing and rearing these babies. it's been amazing. it's been HARD. it's been sooo much fun... but i'm not quite sure what's next.

in the next few months my plan is to chronicle my experience of approaching this next phase.

new baby?... new project?... new job?...

who knows.... all i know is i wanna take it all back. back to black.